omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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