Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
