Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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