did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
