Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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