I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
