So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
