Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
