God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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