he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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