can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
