Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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