I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
