So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
