My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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