Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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