this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
