My first STD was from a foam party
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
