I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
