If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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