Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
