I look better un-naked...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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