There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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