I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
