okay pat passed out under dana's car
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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