i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
