I'm really into asian looking animals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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