What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
