We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
