so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
