I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
