i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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