Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
