we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
