I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
