I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
