Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
