my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
