I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Someone signed my nipple.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
