So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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