New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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