SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
