he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
