Plan B is the new Plan A
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
