Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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