Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
