I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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