it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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