What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
