It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
