I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I pour the whiskey from now on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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