TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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